How to Pitch a Business – Detailed Feedback from Expert Sam Horn

This is “click for more” detailed pitch feedback to accompany the post: How to Pitch a Business – (or yourself): Top Tips from an Expert. Back to Post.

 

Part 1: Draft Pitch

We humbly submitted the author’s research venture: The Hot Mommas Project, as a guinea pig to serve as an example. 10 words:

Award-winning program measurably increasing self-confidence in women & girls.

Sam Analysis = #FAIL This is a snoozer!

Sam’s tip: “As the Washington Post says, ‘A revolutionary program for women entrepreneurs, future and current’.” 

 Part 2:   Pitch Revision

Got women and girls in your life? We make them more confident.

 

Sam analysis: This is better but I have some suggestions. The good thing you did is this: First, you established two-way communication. By asking a question, you are engaging the audience. There is personal relevance. You are leading them to the thought pattern, “Oh yeah, women in my life? My wife, three daughters, ME!”

Here’s what I’d change: “We make them more confident” should be something like, “We increase their confidence, courage, and clout.” “Increase” is a better credibility word than “more.” Also, the Hot Mommas Project is not just about confidence. You provide women so much more. Confidence is respecting yourself. Courage is the bravery to put yourself out there and go for it. Clout is the authority and ability to get things done. You are also making it more memorable and repeatable with the alliteration.

 

Part 3: Pitch Revision FINAL – #WIN! #FTW

Got women and girls in your life? We increase their confidence, courage, and clout.

Did we pass Sam’s test? Let’s see.

 

  • 1. Can they repeat it?  Yes. The “c” alliteration helps accomplish this. Confidence. Courage. Clout.
  • 2. Can they see it? Visualizing the women in your life through question, and hint at action (increase).
  • 3. Can they remember it? Again, the alliteration c helps with this.
  • 4. Can they relate to it? (“How does this apply to me?”) Yes. Steered toward thinking “my wife, my sister, my mom, my friend, ME!
  • 5. Do they respect it? Yes. Use word “increase” to show RESULTS.
  • 6. Do they want it? (Does it match a need they have?) Yes. Women and girls movement. We know our market.

 

 The Icing….Examples:

  • “Got women and girls in your life? We increase their confidence, courage, and clout….FOR EXAMPLE, an international student from Argentina took our seminar and increased her self confidence and feeling that she could create opportunities for herself by 200% from the beginning to the end of the semester. A solopreneur came to a three hour seminar, went through five exercises, and walked out feeling measurably more confident and connected.”

 

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